Neddy's Palaver

You Need to Start with Pork Chops, Japanese Style!

These young Japanese girls can teach us everything we need to know about catching dragons. First thing - strap a meaty pork chop onto your forehead and the toothy dragons, who cannot resist the temptation, will head right for it … or YOU! “Dragon-san is falling! Dragon-san is falling!” The girls lose heart as the dragon escapes into the audience. Poor Dragon-san never even captured a single pork chop. Isn’t there a Japanese version of PETA in Japan to protect these poor dragons from such abuse from these wicked girls?

If you want to discover the insanity that is Morning Musume, here they are.

Look out Loudoun and Fauquier Counties! The big enchilada that is Fairfax County is about to take over your horsey status as “Horse Country.” A movement is underway to banish horse-less carriages in favor of more horses, bicycles and walking in Fairfax County, Virginia.

In future, beginning July 2009, Fairfax County residents seeking admission to their own taxpayer funded park-lands, must pay a fee if they arrive in a “horse-less” carriage, but no fee if they arrive riding a horse. This is blatant discrimination against non-equine modes of transportation. Why is Fairfax County trying to become horsey Fauquier County? If one employs a horse-less carriage instead of a horse to transport oneself, why should the horse be favored in entering into government owned parks.

Do horses pay taxes to Fairfax County? I do not know. I do not own a horse, because Fairfax County will not allow me to stable one upon my minuscule Fairfax County property. But Fairfax County does allow me, for now at least, to keep a horse-less carriage on my property, and I do know that my horseless carriage indeed pays taxes to Fairfax County.

I demand to be allowed to keep a horse, so that I can get into Fairfax County’s parks without paying a penalty.

Read today’s WaPo for this latest revelation about Fairfax County’s Plan to charge its own tax-paying residents to enter publicly own parks.

If you are interested in fighting Fairfax County’s City Hall on this “additional” tax on horse-less carriages, read PatCleary.com.

The Smithsonian wants it, but Aretha Franklin is not keen about reliquishing her hat with the big wool bow sparkling with genuine Svarovski crystals. At latest count there are more than twenty-five Fan Groups for her hat at Facebook and probably as many at Flickr. The hat’s Detroit designer has more than 3,000 requests for silk replicas at $180 each. The original in wool would cost upwards of $500, and it is unknown how many have ordered that version. And … Even I have finally got my own official “Aretha Franklin Inauguration Hat.” Mine is the original - all wool Svarovski. Now I can die happy. My only regret is that it was not available in fire engine red.
Flickr Slide Show of Aretha Chapeaux

(The Weekly Standard)

The image, Edna-Aretha, was originally uploaded by barneykin. It is posted here from Barneykin’s account.

Visit Neddy’s Archives for more of Edna’s writings.

Although I have not yet had opportunity to view it, “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” is now in the local movie theaters. I listened to the first half of the audio book for free this morning. It was written by F. Scott Fitzgerald, 1922, in response to Mark Twain’s comment about the unfairness of youth coming at the beginning of life, and old age at the end. The venue is my hometown of Baltimore, Maryland, described accurately as a “Southern” city.

The audio of the second half of “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” is not yet available at Librivox.org, but you may find the entire text of Fitzgerald’s work at Gutenberg.org (three fifths down the page), and probably at Stanza too if you want to download it to your iPod. See “Reading On My iPod Touch.” You can listen to the first half of the story right here, thanks to Librivox and computer technology. Give it a listen.

As to the movie - I just read a review, and apparently it has almost nothing in common with F. Scott Fitzgerald’s story, except the title and the basic premise. REVIEW.

We saw Kooza at Cirque do Soleil last night. Here am I the morning after. It was a wonderful show. I am so happy that I was not the lady whose seat popped up in the air during the show. She looked like she was about to have a heart attack. I think I would have. We did get popcorn, confetti, water spray and every other harmless thing you can think of sprayed upon us. We were in the second row in front of the stage. Actually, I found it somewhat frightening being so close - in case any of their acts were to fall or structures collapse. But it didn’t happen, so we had a good time.

We drove over to National Harbor at Fort Washington, Maryland. Although the Wilson Bridge was to be mostly closed off at 9 pm, we avoided that pending disaster by going over the bridge in the other direction. Next weekend we must remember to not go over the bridge towards Virginia anytime after 9 pm on Friday night.

The image, Kooza from Cirque du Soleil, was originally uploaded by barneykin. It is posted here from Barneykin’s account.

Visit Neddy’s Archives for more of Edna’s writings.

How important must one be to be assassinated rather than murdered?
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Why is it that you “put your two cents in” and then receive only a “penny for your thoughts?”
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Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
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What disease was ham”cured” of?
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How is it that man walked on the moon long before the wheel was invented for luggage?
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Does the phrase “slept like a baby” mean one is awakened every two hours?
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If a deaf person is ordered into court, is the hearing still called a “hearing?”
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Why is one IN a movie, but ON television?
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Why is it that we aspire to ascend to the tops of tall buildings and mountains and then put money in binoculars to see the ground below where we just were?
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Why don’t you care that Jimmy cracks corn?
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Can a hearse drive in the carpool lane when hauling a corpse ?
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If the Professor of Gilligan’s Island was clever enough to create a radio out of a coconut, why was he not smart enough to fix a hole in a boat?
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Why does Goofy the dog stand erect while Pluto the dog remains on all fours?
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If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME stuff, why didn’t he just buy dinner?
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If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
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If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
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Do “The ABC Song” and “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star” have the same tune?
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Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
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Why does a dog get angry when someone blows in his face, but sticks his head out the window when riding in a car?
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Inspired by a forwarded email from Martha. Do you ever wonder why you gave her your email address?

The “Incredible Magic Liquid Sponge” not only cleans your house spotless, it kills everything in your house that makes it dirty - including YOU!

Keep Those Email Warnings Coming – such as this one, sent to someone, somewhere:

JUST WANTED TO LET YOU ALL KNOW THAT I AM A HUGE FAN OF THE “INCREDIBLE MAGIC LIQUID SPONGE” CLEANER … HOWEVER, I HAVE A FRIEND WHOSE SON STUDIED ENGINEERING IN COLLEGE AND HE NOW WORKS FOR A HUGE EUROPEAN CONGLOMERATE THAT IS ALWAYS THE FIRST TO KNOW ABOUT RECALLED PRODUCTS LONG BEFORE THE NEWS IS RELEASED TO THE MARKETPLACE. WELL, MY FRIEND PHONED ME LAST NIGHT AND SAID THAT HER SON TOLD HER THAT I MUST STOP USING THOSE “INCREDIBLE MAGIC LIQUID SPONGES” AND THAT THEY ARE ALREADY BEING BANNED FROM EUROPEAN MARKETS BECAUSE THEY CONTAIN FORMALDEHYDE. YES, FORMALDEHYDE, THE VERY SAME CHEMICAL THAT IS USED TO PRESERVE DEAD PEOPLE. THE “INCREDIBLE MAGIC LIQUID SPONGE” CONTAINS NOT ONLY THAT TOXIN, BUT HAS ANOTHER DANGEROUS CHEMICAL ADDED TO THE FORMALDEHYDE — AGENT ORANGE. THIS CONCOCTION IS HIGHLY DANGEROUS TO HOUSE PLANTS, PETS, YOUNG CHILDREN AND CAN BE HARMFUL TO YOU, YOURSELF, SO STOP USING THESE LIQUID SPONGES IMMEDIATELY! THROW THEM AWAY AND DON’T BUY ANY MORE. ALREADY TWO YOUNG BOYS HAVE DIED — ONE DRANK THE LIQUID SPONGE AND THE OTHER BOY ATE IT. SOME OF THE “INCREDIBLE MAGIC LIQUID SPONGE” SPLASHED UPON A TODDLER WHILE HER MOTHER WAS WASHING DISHES AND ERODED THE CORNEAS OF THE BABY’S EYES. HUNDREDS OF BELOVED PETS HAVE MET THEIR DEATHS AFTER WALKING UPON FLOORS MOPPED WITH THESE LIQUID SPONGES. ONE YOUNG BOY WHO WAS HELPING HIS MOTHER ERASE CRAYON FROM WALLS, SUFFERED CHEMICAL BURNS TO HIS FACE WHEN HE ATTEMPTED TO ERASE CRAYON ON HIS FACE AND CHIN WITH THAT SAME “INCREDIBLE MAGIC LIQUID SPONGE.”

AND … PLEASE FORWARD THIS MESSAGE TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW, ESPECIALLY THOSE WITH PLANTS, PETS AND OR YOUNG CHILDREN. AND … (the part I love the best) IMMEDIATELY STOP CLEANING YOUR HOUSE BEFORE IT KILLS YOU!

My forgetter’s getting better,
But my rememberer is broke
To you that may seem funny
But, to me, that is no joke

For when I’m “here” I’m wondering
If I really should be “there”
And, when I try to think it through,
I haven’t got a prayer!

Oft times I walk into a room,
Say “what am I here for?”
I wrack my brain, but all in vain!
A zero, is my score.

At times I put something away
Where it is safe, but, Gee!
The person it is safest from
Is, generally, me!

When shopping I may see someone,
Say “Hi” and have a chat,
Then, when the person walks away
I ask myself, “who was that?”

Yes, my forgetter’s getting better
While my rememberer is broke,
And it’s driving me plumb crazy
And that isn’t any joke.

Received from the Internet without attribution, as the sender (Martha) cannot remember from whence it came.

The desk of the thoroughly modern Grandma Neddy. Yes, indeed, she can use two laptops at once, plus a couple of flash drives at the same time. Here’s another of those emails that Granny gets from her other Granny friends. This one is from Elaine VB.

Jesus and Satan Are Wired Too!

Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering.

Finally fed up, God said, “THAT’S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job.”

So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.

They moused.

They faxed.

They e-mailed.

They e-mailed with attachments.

They downloaded.

They did spreadsheets!

They wrote reports.

They created labels and cards.

They created charts and graphs.

They did some genealogy reports

They did every job known to man.

Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell.

Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power went off.

Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld. Jesus just sighed.

Finally power was restored, and each of them rebooted their computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming: “It’s gone! It’s all GONE! “I lost everything when the power went out!”

Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours of work.

Satan observed this and became irate. “Wait!” he screamed. “That’s not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don’t have any?”

God just shrugged and said …

JESUS SAVES. And … YOU, of course, already knew that.

The image, Granny’s Laptops, was originally uploaded to the Internet by barneykin. It was posted here by Neddy of .