See my new SeeqPod music player. It’s on the Internet - no need to download anything. Cool.
Some of My Favorites —
More of my favorite playlists are at “My Vanishing Memories.”
humor, satire, InternetJanuary 10, 2008 8:14 am
How important must one be to be assassinated rather than murdered?
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Why is it that you “put your two cents in” and then receive only a “penny for your thoughts?”
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Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
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What disease was ham”cured” of?
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How is it that man walked on the moon long before the wheel was invented for luggage?
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Does the phrase “slept like a baby” mean one is awakened every two hours?
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If a deaf person is ordered into court, is the hearing still called a “hearing?”
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Why is one IN a movie, but ON television?
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Why is it that we aspire to ascend to the tops of tall buildings and mountains and then put money in binoculars to see the ground below where we just were?
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Why don’t you care that Jimmy cracks corn?
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Can a hearse drive in the carpool lane when hauling a corpse ?
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If the Professor of Gilligan’s Island was clever enough to create a radio out of a coconut, why was he not smart enough to fix a hole in a boat?
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Why does Goofy the dog stand erect while Pluto the dog remains on all fours?
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If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME stuff, why didn’t he just buy dinner?
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If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
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If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
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Do “The ABC Song” and “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star” have the same tune?
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Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
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Why does a dog get angry when someone blows in his face, but sticks his head out the window when riding in a car?
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Inspired by a forwarded email from Martha. Do you ever wonder why you gave her your email address?
Computing for Seniors
If you were lucky enough to get a computer for Christmas, yet “unlucky” enough to have the mind of a senior citizen, I have some advice to get you started. Are you puzzled about where to begin and worried about pushing a button or clicking the mouse and breaking your brand new magnificent machine? Are you wanting to take up web surfing, but unsure that you have what it takes to become a grand surfer like the younger set? Are you generally confused about everything to do with the computer world? This introductory FREE course from AARP is designed for seniors and can teach you everything you need to know. You will learn terms and techniques, and how to troubleshoot common problems.
Go to aarp.org/computers/ and look to the left hand side of the web page for the “BASIC WEB LESSONS.” Then you can begin to follow the Seven Step Web Lessons from AARP, written especially for seniors. Once you master those, you can graduate yourself to the INTERMEDIATE WEB LESSONS.
The “Incredible Magic Liquid Sponge” not only cleans your house spotless, it kills everything in your house that makes it dirty - including YOU!
Keep Those Email Warnings Coming – such as this one, sent to someone, somewhere:
JUST WANTED TO LET YOU ALL KNOW THAT I AM A HUGE FAN OF THE “INCREDIBLE MAGIC LIQUID SPONGE” CLEANER … HOWEVER, I HAVE A FRIEND WHOSE SON STUDIED ENGINEERING IN COLLEGE AND HE NOW WORKS FOR A HUGE EUROPEAN CONGLOMERATE THAT IS ALWAYS THE FIRST TO KNOW ABOUT RECALLED PRODUCTS LONG BEFORE THE NEWS IS RELEASED TO THE MARKETPLACE. WELL, MY FRIEND PHONED ME LAST NIGHT AND SAID THAT HER SON TOLD HER THAT I MUST STOP USING THOSE “INCREDIBLE MAGIC LIQUID SPONGES” AND THAT THEY ARE ALREADY BEING BANNED FROM EUROPEAN MARKETS BECAUSE THEY CONTAIN FORMALDEHYDE. YES, FORMALDEHYDE, THE VERY SAME CHEMICAL THAT IS USED TO PRESERVE DEAD PEOPLE. THE “INCREDIBLE MAGIC LIQUID SPONGE” CONTAINS NOT ONLY THAT TOXIN, BUT HAS ANOTHER DANGEROUS CHEMICAL ADDED TO THE FORMALDEHYDE — AGENT ORANGE. THIS CONCOCTION IS HIGHLY DANGEROUS TO HOUSE PLANTS, PETS, YOUNG CHILDREN AND CAN BE HARMFUL TO YOU, YOURSELF, SO STOP USING THESE LIQUID SPONGES IMMEDIATELY! THROW THEM AWAY AND DON’T BUY ANY MORE. ALREADY TWO YOUNG BOYS HAVE DIED — ONE DRANK THE LIQUID SPONGE AND THE OTHER BOY ATE IT. SOME OF THE “INCREDIBLE MAGIC LIQUID SPONGE” SPLASHED UPON A TODDLER WHILE HER MOTHER WAS WASHING DISHES AND ERODED THE CORNEAS OF THE BABY’S EYES. HUNDREDS OF BELOVED PETS HAVE MET THEIR DEATHS AFTER WALKING UPON FLOORS MOPPED WITH THESE LIQUID SPONGES. ONE YOUNG BOY WHO WAS HELPING HIS MOTHER ERASE CRAYON FROM WALLS, SUFFERED CHEMICAL BURNS TO HIS FACE WHEN HE ATTEMPTED TO ERASE CRAYON ON HIS FACE AND CHIN WITH THAT SAME “INCREDIBLE MAGIC LIQUID SPONGE.”
AND … PLEASE FORWARD THIS MESSAGE TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW, ESPECIALLY THOSE WITH PLANTS, PETS AND OR YOUNG CHILDREN. AND … (the part I love the best) IMMEDIATELY STOP CLEANING YOUR HOUSE BEFORE IT KILLS YOU!
WD-40 for Pigeons and Duct Tape
If you hate pigeons and duct tape, WD-40 is your friend.
It keeps pigeons away so that they will leave no disgusting residue on your balcony, and it will remove the disgusting residue of duct tape that you used to hold your balcony together. However, is it really the 45 Wonder Miracle that a current email claims? It may be, yet the WD-40 company (formerly the Rocket Chemical Company of San Diego) gives its “multi-purpose problem solver” product credit for only the following number of miracles.
3. Protects silver from tarnishing.
4. Removes road tar and grime from cars.
10. Loosens stubborn zippers.
11. Untangles jewelry chains.
14. Keeps ceramic/terra cotta garden pots from oxidizing.
18. Keeps scissors working smoothly.
19. Lubricates noisy door hinges on vehicles and doors in homes.
21. Lubricates gear shift and mower deck lever for ease of handling on riding mowers.
22. Rids kids’ rocking chairs and swings of squeaky noises.
23. Lubricates tracks in sticking home windows and makes them easier to open.
24. Spraying an umbrella stem makes it easier to open and close.
26. Restores and cleans roof racks on vehicles.
27. Lubricates and stops squeaks in electric fans.
28. Lubricates wheel sprockets on tricycles, wagons, and bicycles for easy handling.
30. Keeps rust from forming on saws and saw blades, and other tools.
33. Lubricates prosthetic limbs.
34. Keeps pigeons off the balcony (they hate the smell).
35. Removes all traces of duct tape.
37. Florida’s favorite use is: “cleans and removes love bugs from grills and bumpers.”
43. If you sprayed WD-40 on the distributor cap, it would displace the moisture and allow the car to start.
44. It removes black scuff marks from the kitchen floor! Use WD-40 for those nasty tars and scuff marks on flooring. It doesn’t seem to harm the finish and you won’t have to scrub nearly as hard to get them off. Just remember to open some windows if you have a lot of marks. Wash off after use.
45. Bug guts will eat away the finish on your car if not removed quickly! Use WD-40!
These remedies should be enough to keep the company in business at least until their patent expires, even if (#38 of 45) the state of New York doesn’t spray it on the Statue of Liberty. If you purchase a can of the lubricant thinking that it will (#7 of 45) keep flies off your cows; or (#36 of 45) that spraying it on your arms, hands, and knees will relieve arthritis; or (#39 of 45) that you can use WD-40 to attract fish or cats because it is made of fish oil; think again. The WD-40 Company does not make those claims. The WD-40 Company does claim that their product is NOT made of fish oil, so please, please, please do NOT add (#46) take a tablespoon of WD-40 instead of your daily fish oil tablet. It is made of the petroleum-based Stoddard Solvent, which is primarily solvent naphtha petroleum, medium aliphatic, so you don’t even have to warn your dinner guests who may be allergic to fish that you (#3) wiped all the silverware with WD-40.
If you are wondering how WD-40 got its unusual name, here is the explanation from the company:
WD-40 literally stands for Water Displacement, 40th attempt. That’s the name straight out of the lab book used by the chemist who developed WD-40 back in 1953. The chemist, Norm Larsen, was attempting to concoct a formula to prevent corrosion ; a task which is done by displacing water. Norm’s persistence paid off when he perfected the formula on his 40th try.
See Snopes.com for more information. (Thanks Martha.)
Last week Apple came out with something called WEBB APPS for their new iPod Touch. I noticed there were about five pages of WEBB APPS and I started playing with them a bit. Now I notice that there are more than 25 pages. Last night I found that Google has come aboard with some really nifty ones. My favorite is the Google Search: www.google.com/m. I started with that and it immediately opened my own personal Google calendar, my email and today I was able to read my Google docs.
This is really neato. This iPod Touch thingy is becoming a computer in the palm of my hand. However … these things only work when there is a WiFi connection. I wonder when that hurdle will be scaled?
This is a new one for me. Have you ever been to a garage sale where everything was free? This seems to be that type of happening in the blogosphere. The originator labels it bloggygiveaways.com and she invites each individual blogger to offer a free something or other. The catch is that one has to comment at the participating blog and leave an email address. I haven’t checked to see if this may be a spammersgiveaway.com in disguise, however it does appear to be quite innocent and on the up and up.
If you have some extra time on your hands, there are literally hundreds of blogs awaiting your erudite comments. If your comment wins - ta da - you get to take home some of their stuff … for free. Hurry, hurry before the spammers and robots get the message and ruin it for everyone.
Internet, photographySeptember 29, 2007 3:56 pm
This is Molokini Crater or Molokini Inlet, a small island in Hawaii. This image, snagged from the Internet, is the same exact one that was used to create the Internet sensation, "The Cresent Star Islands." Where on earth are the “Crescent Star Islands”, aka “The Moon and Star on Earth?”
The image, Molokini Inlet, Hawaii, was originally uploaded to the Internet by barneykin. It was posted here by Neddy of 
.
Visit Neddy’s Store
My forgetter’s getting better,
But my rememberer is broke
To you that may seem funny
But, to me, that is no jokeFor when I’m “here” I’m wondering
If I really should be “there”
And, when I try to think it through,
I haven’t got a prayer!Oft times I walk into a room,
Say “what am I here for?”
I wrack my brain, but all in vain!
A zero, is my score.At times I put something away
Where it is safe, but, Gee!
The person it is safest from
Is, generally, me!When shopping I may see someone,
Say “Hi” and have a chat,
Then, when the person walks away
I ask myself, “who was that?”Yes, my forgetter’s getting better
While my rememberer is broke,
And it’s driving me plumb crazy
And that isn’t any joke.
Received from the Internet without attribution, as the sender (Martha) cannot remember from whence it came.
Internet, photographyJune 28, 2007 6:54 am
Picasa Web Albums now have a nifty feature for mapping. Whatever address you enter in the album properties under “Place Taken”, it automatically maps your pictures. It can be done for the album as a whole or for individual images. You can use just a simple state or a city and state for the address or be as detailed as a street number and zip code, and Picasa2 seems to find it exactly with no further tweaking from you — quite unlike the tediousness of entering map locations on Flickr.
You also have the option under properties of not entering the location at all, or of entering it, but disallowing Picasa to map it. All of your albums that have been mapped are shown with a red thumbtack next to them, as here: picasaweb.google.com/barneykin
Kudos to Picasa2!
Unfortunately, along with this nice addition to Picasa Web Albums has come an unbelievable increase in the number of SPAM comments - almost all in the Portuguese language. And even more unfortunately, I cannot find any instructions at Picasa Web Albums of how to control it, except to disallow ALL comments. And even worse, I cannot find any way to delete them. That is a bummer, but I am counting on Google to learn how to control SPAM comments at least as well as Flickr manages to do, which seems to be quite excellent. If they cannot control the Portuguese SPAM, at least allow me to delete them.
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